Almost daily we all see another one of those headlines- Survey shows that 90% of American High School Students Think that Germany is a Form of Bacteria. Well, it would say that, except that its in the bizarre Headline Shorthand Language, and it says something like 90% H.S.ers Think Ger. is a Bact. Well, I have to tell you that its not true. We all KNOW that its a kind of bacteria!

            No, seriously, we know its a planet. I mean a country. But we just dont fill out those surveys truthfully. Anyone who has raised, taught, is, has been, or has actually seen a teenager knows that we dont like to answer stupid questions. And when we do, there will always be a sarcastic answer, such as Noooo, I didnt get my hair cut really short. I just got into a fight with a lawnmower! So, to us, asking a question like Who was the first President? is like asking, Am I a moron?

            Remember the Tobacco Survey that so many of us had to take in seventh grade? I had at least ten white, 12-13 year-old males tell me that they filled the survey out as a 30-year-old (in seventh grade), female Eskimo who began smoking when she was two. This was a fill-in-the-bubble survey, so a machine checked it. That made it even easier to make outlandish answers, since a human could at least realize that Mooresville Middle is not the Eskimo School for Girls and that a two year old who smoked wouldnt actually live to be 30.

You might think that the people on the Creative Writing Magazine are the only creative writers in the school, but just about anyone who has ever filled out a survey without putting their name on it has done some kind of creative writing. Honestly, I dont know why Blackbeard wasnt made Class Treasurer (get it?). Really now, what do they expect us to put when they tell us Briefly describe the Bill of Rights? That its the first ten amendments to the Constitution, which limit the powers of the government and protect our personal freedoms, passed in 1791 to convince the last few states to ratify the Constitution? HA! We know better, but as long as they dont know who said it were going to write:

After the Right Brothers invented the first spray cheese can, they decided to celebrate with a big feast, the First Thanksgiving. When it was over, there was a huge bill to pay for it, that was later called The Bill of Rights.

Come on, survey makers! Learn to recognize a sense of humor put on a boring survey when you see one! What planet are you on, Germany?